I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
