I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
