so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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