Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
