he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
