R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
