He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
