I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
