K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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