She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
