i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
