he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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