wanna go halves on a baby?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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