Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
