I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sorry about my life...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
