Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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