feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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