I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
