Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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