It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
