she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
