Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
