his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
