hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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