just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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