YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
