the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize