Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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