He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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