we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She told me I should be a condom model.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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