goodnight i made you a song goodbye
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
