Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
