My first STD was from a foam party
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
