I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
