Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
