someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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