it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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