Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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