dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
