Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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