I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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