Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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