Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
