I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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