Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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