I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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