her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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