Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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