Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just want to make out with him forever
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
