You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
