it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
