Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
