I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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