I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
