No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
