did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
