i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
