Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
