There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
