Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
