i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
