it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
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She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
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I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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