and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
