It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
