It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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