Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
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just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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