Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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