I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
