I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
