I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
