can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
