I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
