he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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