What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
