Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
