Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
