it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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