You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
