Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
