I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
