Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
