did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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