umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
did i walk over a car last night?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
