just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
